A Few Real Life Conversations...

...I have either participated in or overheard.

Cuz: Sis, please can the gateman help me buy bathing sponge? I forgot mine at home.
Me: B, abeg help me go buy bathing sponge from mallam, take money.
B: Okay ma.

*15 mins later my phone rings*

Me: Hello?
B: Hello ma, I dey market, I don forget the name of the thing wey you say make I buy...
Me: Market ke? Abeg come back, I say mallam outside here, sponge! Wey dem dey use baff! You no know am?!
B: Oh ma! I sabi am, I dey come now now!

*knock on my door*

B: Na the sponge be this
M: Okay thank you, sorry say you reach market o!

*opens carrier bag* Wait, this is a metal sponge! 

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Shoe Seller: Hello ladies, I have nice heels for sale, very affordable o, see this one...
Me: Aww very nice, but they are too high for me, I'm tall already
Colleague 1: Not my size, too big but very fine
Colleague 2: Ah, this is C's size and she LOVES these kind of heels
Colleague 1: That's very true o, madam wait, she will soon come now

*C arrives*

SS: Hello dear, I have heels for sale, I was told you would like this one in particular
C: Eya it is beautiful o *tries it on* its my size sha...how much are they?
SS: They are 15 thousand nai...
C: Ehn?! Anyway, I don't wear high heels like these anymore, my knees hurt now, thank you ehn

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16 yo caregiver: *pulls chair from under her ward and starts cackling hard*
8 yo ward: Hiss! Its not funny! Why are you now laughing like they are persecuting you?!

*Laughter and persecution in the same sentence? Points for knowing big words though*

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*I check price of dumbbells at fitness store, decide to "make" my own dumbbells*

Me: B abeg, take these 2 plastic bottles and fill both up with sand, thank you.
B: Ma?
Me: Pour sand inside the 2 bottles, make e full am
B: Okay...

*5 mins later, at my vanity, trying to tweeze stray eyebrow hairs, I overhear this*
B's friend: Why you dey put sand for bottle? You never put water inside, na sand remain
B: Abeg you know if dem dey use sand do juju?!

Me: *deep sigh*

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*at Aunty's house*

Me: My hairdresser used blue "attachment" to plait my hair under this fine weave o...
Brother: You sef you be ole! When you pay N800 to make your hair, you should expect...
Me: Haays! That's quite alright thank you!

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*Looking at my pictures with my 2 yo niece*

Me: Who is this?
F: A-a YG
Me: And who is this?
F: A-a YG
*picture of me heavily made up by my cousin
Me: Who is this?
F: *stares for 5 seconds* Errr, Aunty?

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My BBM Status:
"When you "baff up" you will never bump into anyone you know. But when you are rocking your finest "Mary Amaka", that's when EVERYONE pops up."


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YG