Monday, May 20, 2013
Argh! You Know What Grinds My Gears...
...Monday. Monday really grinds my gears. It doesn't even sneak up on you, it's very bold. Whilst you are prematurely celebrating the weekend rolling around from 12 pm on a Friday, Monday is right there, knocking on your subconscious. By Saturday morning, you are already tired out from thinking about the impending week, and by Sunday night you're already pulling your hair from its roots, thinking "kai, 9 more hours till I have to get up" now "its 4 more hours till I have to get up". Then, its Monday afternoon, like a hopeless romantic, you put on your rose-coloured glasses and start counting down to Friday again.
...People who strain their necks, pop open their eyelids and straight up lift themselves off their seats to see what YOU'RE doing on your computer. What is it?! What do you want to see? Am I trading YOUR stocks on my laptop? Bia, face front!
...MTN. MT effing N!!!
...Abuja rain. Fall if you want to fall abeg, which one is the darkening skies, heavy winds, sandstorms that last for 15 minutes then a measly 2 minutes of actual rainfall?! Then NEPA sef, they don't need to see any actual rainfall. Just sniff small breeze, fiam! They've flexed their power and done the usual. Oya, rain don fall finish o! Make una bring light abeg! Nonsense.
"Haaays, fine girl, I like you"
"But unku, is that not a wedding band I spy on your finger..."
"Is it not better that you even see it? So you know that I am a responsible man? I will take care of you!"
"Wait, what?! It shows you are responsible?! Thanks, but no thanks, I have a boyfriend"
"Ehn! What difference does that make? Test me for a month, infact a week! You'll see I'm stronger than your boyfriend"
"Stronger? Oga, I tell you say I dey find person wey go help me push wheelbarrow?!"
"Just try me se! Infact, if you are good to me, I will sponsor your wedding to your 'boyfriend' after we are done"
...Ibo market traders groping you in the name of "Aunty, I have fine jeans, party wears that will suit you." "Ehn Omalicha, come and buy from me, infact take anything you want in my shop, I am looking for fine wife like you." I don't want your fine 'wears' o! Stop rubbing me jo! And PS: calling me 'Yellow' will not make me buy ANYTHING from you. Hiss.
...People walking anyhow in my movies. I will pop a movie in, settle down and prepare to get lost in fantasy for a short while, and next thing you will just see people standing up, roaming anyhow in the movie! No single respect! You think 400bucks is a joke?!