Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Today, Just Today...


Your MAIL ID has been PICKED to collected $750,000.00 in the JUMBO COMPANY give away price as the lucky WINNER. send info To OUR claim's email: (

Me: God will punish you thoroughly! Idiot, how can you be a successful scam artist if you can not even spell?! Oloriburuku, omo radarada, ode, olodo oshi!


At beauty salon, couple of days ago, fixing my hair.
Barber: Aunty, please you fit tell your husband or father or brother make dem come dey barb their hair for here.
Me: Okay I will.
Barber: Also, I go soon start dry-cleaning business for here, abeg you go dey patronise me, infact give me your number so I go call you when I don start
Me: Err, I'm sure I will notice when it opens...
Barber: Your number na 080-wetin?
22:05 that same night, 3 missed calls from Barber earlier, my phone rings.
Me: *groggy* Hello?
Barber: Aunty good evening na me....
Me: I'm sleeping! *disconnects call*
Today, phone rings.
Me: Hello?
Barber: Aunty na me, good morning, sorry about that day...
Me: It's okay...
Barber: ...I just say make I tell you say if your sister children need lesson teacher, I sabi teach maths and English and Science...
Me: *removes phone from ear and stares at it in wonderment*


Yesterday 4:30pm, phone rings.
Someone: Please I'm in a bind etc...can you just loan me NX?
Me: I'm broke too, I don't have that amount of money, but I can send you something little towards your issue.
 Today, phone rings.
Someone: Thanks for yesterday but now I'm in an even bigger bind; please please can you find some money to help me?
Me: I know you heard me yesterday when I said I didn't have and just helped you out of the little I had...
Someone: I know, I know about I give you my phone? If you don't get your money back before Friday, you can sell it, it's worth...
Me: *removes phone from ear and stares at it in wonderment* Then sell your frigging phone already!

All this before 1pm?! Me - 0, Universe - Knock Out.