Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A Few Real Life Conversations...

...I have either participated in or overheard.

Cuz: Sis, please can the gateman help me buy bathing sponge? I forgot mine at home.
Me: B, abeg help me go buy bathing sponge from mallam, take money.
B: Okay ma.

*15 mins later my phone rings*

Me: Hello?
B: Hello ma, I dey market, I don forget the name of the thing wey you say make I buy...
Me: Market ke? Abeg come back, I say mallam outside here, sponge! Wey dem dey use baff! You no know am?!
B: Oh ma! I sabi am, I dey come now now!

*knock on my door*

B: Na the sponge be this
M: Okay thank you, sorry say you reach market o!

*opens carrier bag* Wait, this is a metal sponge! 


Shoe Seller: Hello ladies, I have nice heels for sale, very affordable o, see this one...
Me: Aww very nice, but they are too high for me, I'm tall already
Colleague 1: Not my size, too big but very fine
Colleague 2: Ah, this is C's size and she LOVES these kind of heels
Colleague 1: That's very true o, madam wait, she will soon come now

*C arrives*

SS: Hello dear, I have heels for sale, I was told you would like this one in particular
C: Eya it is beautiful o *tries it on* its my size much are they?
SS: They are 15 thousand nai...
C: Ehn?! Anyway, I don't wear high heels like these anymore, my knees hurt now, thank you ehn


16 yo caregiver: *pulls chair from under her ward and starts cackling hard*
8 yo ward: Hiss! Its not funny! Why are you now laughing like they are persecuting you?!

*Laughter and persecution in the same sentence? Points for knowing big words though*


*I check price of dumbbells at fitness store, decide to "make" my own dumbbells*

Me: B abeg, take these 2 plastic bottles and fill both up with sand, thank you.
B: Ma?
Me: Pour sand inside the 2 bottles, make e full am
B: Okay...

*5 mins later, at my vanity, trying to tweeze stray eyebrow hairs, I overhear this*
B's friend: Why you dey put sand for bottle? You never put water inside, na sand remain
B: Abeg you know if dem dey use sand do juju?!

Me: *deep sigh*

*at Aunty's house*

Me: My hairdresser used blue "attachment" to plait my hair under this fine weave o...
Brother: You sef you be ole! When you pay N800 to make your hair, you should expect...
Me: Haays! That's quite alright thank you!


*Looking at my pictures with my 2 yo niece*

Me: Who is this?
F: A-a YG
Me: And who is this?
F: A-a YG
*picture of me heavily made up by my cousin
Me: Who is this?
F: *stares for 5 seconds* Errr, Aunty?


My BBM Status:
"When you "baff up" you will never bump into anyone you know. But when you are rocking your finest "Mary Amaka", that's when EVERYONE pops up."



  1. LOL hahaha this was funny. Especially the gateman one.

  2. That gateman is a unique human being. The juju bit cracked me up. See where the imagination goes when it can't come up with plausible answers.

  3. B is a 'unique' comedian shaa. How was your cousin's body after that brutal scrubbing?!! lol

  4. :) thanks you guys!

  5. That one about the shoes has me holding my sides lol. I can totally see myself doing that...probably have

  6. This post is hilarious!! Metal

  7. Ha! I prolly should just jeje get back to work. This one that I am just laughing like a hyena


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